Romance As A Mirror

Literature is a mirror that gives you an opportunity to change the reflection that you see.

The first time I saw a healthy romantic relationship between two Black people was in a romance novel. I don’t remember exactly which book it was off the top of my head. But it was some romance novel that I deemed cheesy because love isn’t easy. At least, it never came easy for me. No one just falls in love and it just works. That didn’t make sense. So, for years I went on a “I hate romance rampage.” I was totally one of those “I read real books” kind of people. Puffing my chest with pride about all the real genres I read. Genres that I felt were above romance.

I had spent years learning what love was from the women in my life and their experiences. They showed me that loving a Black man meant risking myself, catering to their every need, encouraging them, and of course upholding all types of societal standards. Because, let’s be serious, who is a Black woman if she can’t keep a man?! They let me know early that the ancestors who be disgraced if I didn’t get and keep a good man! So all the crap they were writing about in those romance novels made zero sense.

At the time, I didn’t realize that my distain for romance was connected to and a reflection of my lived experience. I don’t think many people make that correlation at all. Also, hating romance isn’t hard to do in today’s society. There are always people tearing apart Black romance for more reasons than I have time to list. Those reasons validated my perspectives. Then I started creating book content across the internet.

Books are supposed to incite emotion and spark conversation. As I interacted with more readers and expanded my reading preferences, I realized I was the issue. I couldn’t consume literature that was beyond my lived experiences and thought processes. This is when i started viewing literature as a mirror. Now I could go on a rant about how the lack of comprehension skills is the root of all evil. If we can’t see things beyond how they directly make us feel, are we really comprehending it?! But, I’ll save that for another day.

Literature is a mirror that gives you an opportunity to change the reflection that you see. Realizing that the reflection that I saw of myself was the issue and not romance novels was eye opening. The content wasn’t bad, I just didn’t understand it. Not liking something and not understanding it feels very similar. Baby, I was on my therapist’s line hollering and screaming. The full dramatics because if I had been intaking romance from a limited view what else was I viewing in the same way?

Romance shows us the possibilities of love, but because those possibilities aren’t reality we negate the genre completely. I’ve seen men bash the genre the most, when in all actuality, romance novels have reminded me of the greatness that is Black men although I don’t often receive that greatness from them on a day to day basis. In romance I can see the imprint they’ve left on the world. I also can see them as flawed humans that have trauma just like us women do. Those traumas determine how they move in relationships. I think that’s something that I’ve always known, reading it through character development helped me understand it better. Literature says the quiet parts out loud.

Romance is the reason I still have hope for love. We are all struggling, learning and growing. Now, you probably want to know some of my favorite romances. Of course you do!

You should be reading Beverly Jenkins books! My all time favorite is Indigo. Galen Vachon is a MAN! Where do I begin with the man that he is. Galen came into Hester’s life very suddenly and changed it forever. He knew he wasn’t ready to commit immediately and didn’t force her to wait for him but he did come back when he was ready. He taught Hester to play. That love wasn’t just reserved for those that are perfect. He loved his Le Petit Indigo!

If “if he wanted to he would” was a person, it would be Donovan Moss. Although Nobody To Love You Better is a bit unhinged in many ways, it is proof that a man can love you and let his best friend love you too. Donovan knew who he wanted and wasn’t going to let a little nontraditional relationship get in the way of his happily ever after. He was patient, understanding, and willing to adjust while his partner navigated this new situation. ML Bash did her big one.

Last and but certainly not the least, Bow Down by Masterpiece. Now, this one is technically an erotica. Which is just romance with heavy petting. Symere is my book husband because he understands that leading a woman isn’t just about having someone do whatever you say. It’s about trust and all these other things. You know what, just read the book and fall in love with my man too!

I only gave you a few books but I could probably do this with all genres if I had the time. The next time you’re reading and struggling on how you feel, question yourself. Is it a bad book or do I hate the reflection I’m seeing.